Mess of emotions

I’m a mess of emotions at the moment.

I came out to my mother, just 5 minutes ago. I told her I am depressed, and that I am Transgender. She took it well. I am relieved, but I am still depressed. not about being Transgender. It’s hard to explain, and I’m trying to sort it out. I have been studying for a university degree, but it’s not going well, and I don’t know if It’s not gong well because I am depressed, or if I’m depressed because it’s not going well.

Earlier today I was feeling excited, because I have opened myself up to a path of discovery, and I’m also nervous and afraid of how that’s going to go. I want to cry, but I cannot even do that. I have had a lifetime of suppressing my emotions, and I just feel numb now. I think the excitement was a rush of adrenaline, or something, because it didn’t last very long. I hate feeling like this.

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