I had my psychiatric review today and I am pleased to say it went much better than I feared it would. I arrived at the clinic early, too early, 20 minutes before the scheduled appointment time. Sitting in the waiting room was the hardest thing I had to do this morning. Every second that passed I could feel my anxiety grow more and more. There was also a high-pitched tone ringing out from somewhere which was bothering me greatly. It helped that my mother was there with me, just knowing she was there was a comfort.
It was a slight relief to be called into the doctor’s office, I decided to go in alone. As I entered he politely asked me what name I like to be called, I told him my chosen name, and that was a good start. In the room there was me, facing the doctor, his desk was positioned so that his back was to the door. And sitting behind him was a young lady who I think was his secretary, taking notes as we spoke.
During our talk I told him about how I have never felt male. Even though I have tried to fit in with the other boys and men, I never felt like one of them. I have been living as female now for 4 months, and that I am full-time female now. I started off slow, taking little steps here and there. I could not tell exactly when living part-time female became living full time female.
We talked about my past relationship, there has only been one serious relationship in my life, and how things weren’t going very well. I take all the blame really for that. I did a lot of things that upset my partner of the time, and though I wasn’t intentionally being mean, and I did love her, I was still an ass, and she deserved better. I have created a new profile on a dating site now, trying to move forward. I am not looking for anything serious right now. It would be nice to have someone to share my journey with though.
What’s happening next is that I will get my name changed through Deed Poll, so that on all my official documents I can begin using my new name legally. I’m not eligible for a Gender Recognition Certificate yet though, for that I need to be living as female for at least 2 years. I should be getting a referral to a Gender Identity Clinic. Either Fulham or Charing Cross most likely. The details of our conversation will be passed onto my GP also. The Psychiatrist needed to make sure there wasn’t any mental health issues that was causing me to make sporadic decisions about my Gender Identity and he is confident this is not the case and that I won’t need to see him again, and can just move forward, however long that may take.
All I can do now is wait. Again. More waiting, but at least I know things are moving forward.