..and why I haven’t written much lately
Writing for me is a way to organise my thoughts and feelings in a way that I cannot do around those I love, either for fear of rejection, or fear of hurting them, or both. There is a conflict between me and my mother and It’s not going to get better while we are still living with each other. We love each other, but we have very different political views and that is causing a huge strain on our relationship.
Lately I have been attending support group meetings, which has been another outlet where I can express myself without fear of repercussions. I have met a fantastic group of women who love me just for who I am and I love them too. After meeting only a couple of times we have very quickly become best friends. It is great. I don’t have to hide who I am in front of them. And I’m not just talking about being Trans. If I want to be childish. I can. If I’m sad I can show it and they will comfort me. If I am happy they will share in the joy. I have only one other friend like these ladies and unfortunately she lives so far away now. I miss her terribly, but I am grateful to have found more friends, not to replace her, because nobody can do that, but they do soften the pain I feel sometimes.
A bit of an update on what I have been up to though:
The biggest thing was an event I attended Saturday 26th November called Swansea Sparkle. An LGBT event which was a lot of fun. During the day I was allowed to bring my own guitar and sing a couple of songs which was great. I fumbled at least half of the chords, but I enjoyed it anyway, and I could see smiling faces in the audience which made things much better. I took a photo with some firemen and got a free travel mug in return for filling in a quick fire safety questionnaire. My friends were there too and we had a look around the various information stands together, before heading back to one of the girls’ apartments so we could fix our makeup and change into our eveningwear.
One of my friends took this photo of me which I am very pleased with:
The evening event was a lot of fun too. We all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Took loads of photos of each other, some more hilarious than others and a couple were outright scary. Note to any aspiring photographers: Turning the flash on during evening shoots will make those wearing light makeup look like zombies and/or vampires. Fine if that is what you’re going for, but otherwise you’ll probably want to turn the flash off. Near to the end of the evening there was a beauty pageant for Miss Sparkle, which I entered, and I was extremely happy to be announced third in that.
In other news. I still haven’t started HRT or had the referral to the GIC in Charing Cross, London. The Unity LGBT charity is trying to put pressure on my GP to get me seen by a local Endocrinologist though so I can start taking hormones safely because I am at risk of self medicating. If someone was to give me a box of Oestrogen pills today I’d start taking them. Or if I could afford to buy them myself I would. So yeah. I will hang on as long as I can and I do hope my GP will allow me to start treatment before I go to Charing Cross, because I could be waiting 2 years or more before I get there. And that is far too long.
I’m still writing songs. I have half completed a few. But nothing is in a state I am happy with yet. My volunteering is going really well. I have started a new project alongside another volunteer where we are helping people who are recovering from Stroke to get involved with a device called Fitbit. Fitbit is an activity monitor that measures steps taken in a day, heart rate, amount of exercise done and can monitor sleeping patterns also. It’s a lot of responsibility, and there have been some teething issues, but it is going well so far and I am really enjoying it.
That’s it for me for now. I’m probably going to switch this blog to just monthly updates for the time being for reasons stated at the beginning of this post. What I was getting out of writing here I am getting more of by being with my friends I have made at the support group.
Love, hugs and kisses,